There comes a time when many children say no. They hide behind a hand, pull faces, run away or say, please stop. Parents often find it hard, because they want to keep the memories. But a child who says no is telling you something important, and how you respond will affect how they feel about pictures for years to come. There are kinder ways to keep memories, and they often work better.
Ask, wait and offer a choice
Begin by listening. Ask why they do not want a picture. It may be that they are tired, hungry, shy, embarrassed about their clothes or simply busy. Taking the reason seriously matters more than the picture. If the answer is not now, respect it. Put the phone away, and see whether they change their mind later. Often they do, once the pressure has gone.
Offer choices. Would they like a picture with a favourite toy, with a friend or with the dog? Would they like to hold the phone and take one of you? Children who have a say join in far more willingly. Let them choose where to stand and what to wear. A picture that they helped to plan is one they will be proud of, rather than embarrassed by.
Try different kinds of picture. A hand on a book, a pair of muddy wellies, the back of a head as they look at the sea, a shadow on the grass. These give you the memory without a face, and children rarely mind them. They also give you lovely pictures that you might not have thought of. Keep the camera low and take pictures while the child is busy with something else.
Be careful about what you share. A child who does not want to be photographed may not want the picture seen by others either. Ask before showing a picture to relatives or friends, and delete it if they ask you to. As they grow older, let them decide more and more. Trust built now will make photography easier when they are teenagers, and it shows them that their wishes count.
